We decorated the tree

It's pretty last minute and we only did it because Simon made Dad agree. I don't know if me or Dad wanted to do anything with Christmas but I guess Simon thought it would be a good thing for me to do. I went up to the attic today because that's where all the ornaments were. From all the dust up there I think Simon hasn't done Christmas in a while.

It was cool to see the kinds of things up there though. All this old stuff that he probably forgot about. There were books and boxes and tons of other things. I kind of forgot to even get the ornaments for the little tree we got for a while because I wanted to look around. That's how I found some old picture albums. I think they were from when Simon was little because they had dates and names on them. Simon hasn't really ever talked to us about his life even though he knows basically all of everything we went through. I guess that's sort of weird but he's a nice guy...

Anyway so there were a ton of pictures. And they were all of his family too, I think. There were his mom and dad and little sister. All four of them look so happy, like some picture perfect sort of family that would be on tv, y'know? I don't know why he doesn't have any of these up in the house because when I came down I realized that I've never seen any family pictures hanging around his house or even just in his wallet. (Yes I did check his wallet, no I didn't take any money)

When I asked him today he got really quiet and asked me where I found the pictures. I told him the attic where I got the Christmas ornaments and he looked really upset. He asked me not to talk anymore about the pictures and to not go in the attic again even though he's the one who asked me to go up there in the first place. Jeez. Well I guess something must have happened because he went and took a walk even though I told him not to because he might be out there somewhere waiting to try and hurt us or worse. He didn't listen and kept going and left me and Dad at the house.

I'm not really gonna ask him about that stuff again but now I'm really curious. Dad said that Simon was just a crybaby who probably didn't get enough money from his parents but I dunno...he seemed really sad when he walked away.

Whatever...anyway, things have gotten quiet again. Ever since the day I spotted him outside the school and freaked out and left early, I haven't seen him again. That makes me more nervous than calm because I can feel him watching but I can't see where he is. I just feel like he's always there, waiting for me to mess up or something and take me away again. I haven't been able to sleep well and Leah is getting worried about me. I'm falling asleep in classes and not getting my work done. My therapist isn't really helping anymore even though she's really trying to figure out what's happening to me now. She's says it's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder but she'll never know that the stress never left because the problem never did.

I don't know what to do...Simon and Dad are talking to me or each other as much and I know Mom is pregnant. I can read her blog even though Dad tried to make sure I wouldn't. I think I'm starting to get sort of numb to these things though. I keep reading all these bad things happening, seeing Simon worrying and Dad drinking more, and waiting for him to come and kidnap me or kill me, but I'm not scared anymore. It feels like I'm losing my emotions if that even makes sense. When I talked to dad about it he tried to understand but because he doesn't really experience emotions either (I think that's a psychopath or something?) he didn't really know what to say. I think he thinks that I'm starting to become like him and he hates that.

It's been pretty bad around here and I really don't think it's gonna get better.

I dunno...how are you guys?