brother is dead. Daddy was really happy today, i could feel it. even though i did not like reachraybrother i am sad that he is gone.

but enough about him, i have something to say.

as it is big brother doesn't like me blogging. i know he doesn't like it because it keeps me sane. i'm so close to losing it and becoming just another family member who can't think for themselves. it's hard keeping myself from speaking gibberish and hunting down runners. lately i have realized what i need to do. see, most people when they become a part of this family have the choice to simply fall or fall and then rebuild themselves. the problem with the rebuilding part is that there's only a small portion of people who have been able to do it, like big brother and zero, and even then there are drawbacks.

but if you don't take the plunge and let yourself go, you go crazy anyway even if it is slower. it seems like a better option to "stay strong" and not "bend under His will", right? keep fighting until the end so you go out in a blaze of glory and everyone remembers you. but you guys don't seem to realize the other option is the only way for those of us in situations like mine.

in other words, i'm going to have to let myself go crazy in order to regain my sanity. hehehe, i don't think i am going to like this but it's the only way. at this rate i'm going to break and big brother will be able to do whatever he wants. so i am telling you all this because you're going to see me lose control and i might never get it back.

i would say wish me luck but it isn't luck i need.

here we go.

i'm okay

they finally untied me and i pulled the feeding tube out. big brother has a lot on his mind, doesn't he?

maybe it's time i stopped playing games, those are for little girls after all, and i've been through too much to be considered a child. i'm not even normal, hehehe.

what was the purpose of this blog? it's not meant to tell you all how i am doing and talk about feelings and life and my family. it was to watch them. those two. none of you actually care about me because only ava, reach, robby and thage have met me. i feel different. i am thinking differently.

my name is cynthia delmont. i am eleven years old, i was born january eleventh 2000. it is the year 2011. my daddy had some changes happen to him when he was eleven, and my Mom lost someone important when she was eleven. eleveneleveneleveneleveneleveneleven

it doesn't mean anything important by the way. numbers? they're just numbers. sometimes you have coincidences like that.

my name is cynthia delmont. i will be twelve next year and my favorite holiday is easter. i hate onions but i love spinach. my favorite color is green and my favorite animals are hippopotamuses. i have a dream that one day i'll be an artist and make my Mom proud. my best friend was rachel and she's dead but i see her sometimes. i think i may be going crazy but that's okay because there's no where left for me to go in normal life. i wouldn't fit in. i sometimes miss my daddy because he was never there for me and i'm scared that he hates me but at the same time i want to kill him for what he's done to Mom and i. i draw all the time and i've been making pictures to show Mom because no one else here cares about what i do or what happens to me. my hair is getting very long and i haven't taken a bath or brushed my teeth in a while so i know i look gross. i don't eat enough or exercise that much and i am very weak. i think i may be slowly breaking but i won't let that happen.

i am cynthia delmont and i can take care of myself. i know the purpose of this blog now and it's to help me stay strong.

there's so much still to come. but at least i can keep one thing that's normal.

Some of you with brain cells left may be wondering why there is a pile of dead proxies in the ditch.

Or wondering why I have lashed Cynthia to a support pillar and have resorted to shoving a feeding tube down her throat.

Maybe a few of you are wondering why I strapped you down, took a power drill, bored a hole in your skull, and injected my blood into your brain so that the rest of your free will is crushed and you're just another cog in my network.

Well...maybe not wondering and more of twitching in the ground, suffering in pain as I am not familiar with power tools and was rather clumsy.

It is because you are obviously not eligible for certain privileges. Those who break traffic laws lose the right to drive.

You allowed Cynthia to almost kill herself by drowning. Thus breaking my law.

Thus you have lost the right to work for me.

Also, Robert Sagel has...disappeared. He That Is has lost Sight of that annoyance. You have failed him.

Thus you have lost the right to serve He That Is.

And since you have lost your options, that means you lose the right to be independent beings. That means it's power drill time!

Cynthia is almost ready. She is unstable because she is receiving mixed input from multiple sources. I did not spend all this time experimenting on her and preparing her for my evacuation just so she could do something stupid on YOUR watch!

Now, to those few who I left with two thoughts to rub together...

Cynthia is on 24 hour watch, once she calms down, untie her and CONTACT ME. Make sure that NOTHING happens to her.

FIND! SAGEL! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO! FIND HIM AND END HIM! 

Damnit, I don't care anymore. You find a Runner? You END THEM! 

Thage, DEAD.

The Delmonts, DEAD.

Zeke, DEAD.

M, DEAD.

Reach, DEAD.

Zero, DEAD. (I don't care if he's 'helping' or not!)

Sagel, I WANT HIS ENTRAILS SCATTERED ACROSS TWENTY MILES OF HIGHWAY!

I'm about to be free, so enough of this farce.

Regards,

r

nonono, hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe she'sbackshe'sbackshe'sback

i just wanted to play with the water of the fountain that's not wrong rachel, i thought it was okay i wasn't hurting anyone but you grabbed me and pulled me under the water and i couldn't breath cause you were drowning me and you wouldn't let go and the water was getting in my lungs and everything was going black and i was scared and i wanted Mommy but she wasn't there no one was there i was all alone

no

no

i am not alone

big brother is back

he helped me

he saved me from rachel

hehehehehehe, i missed you.

today

i went for a walk cause' it's a nice day. i haven't seen big brother in a while and there's no one to talk to. it's boring, especially when He is gone.

i got to play with some kids in the park- we climbed the jungle gym and threw a frisbee around. i haven't played with kids my age in months...it was nice. they were worried about me though. they said i looked unhealthy and asked if i had messed up my clothes that day. i laughed and told them no, that i was okay because Daddy takes care of me.

for some reason they wanted me to come with them back to their parents to talk or something? i don't know why they were so concerned. :c

i was gonna go with them, but i looked over and

rachel was standing there. it was rachelrachelrachel how are you here you were gone why did i see you raaaccheeelll you're gone now so it's okay okey dokey smokey

smile smile smile and ignore the feeling of being watched hehehehehe

here we go

it's time for everything to play out.

finally

we're going to reach our end whether you want to or not. i hope you're as excited as i am. the games ahead are going to be so much fun.

and i wonder who will win in the end? me or you?