brother is dead. Daddy was really happy today, i could feel it. even though i did not like reachraybrother i am sad that he is gone.
but enough about him, i have something to say.
as it is big brother doesn't like me blogging. i know he doesn't like it because it keeps me sane. i'm so close to losing it and becoming just another family member who can't think for themselves. it's hard keeping myself from speaking gibberish and hunting down runners. lately i have realized what i need to do. see, most people when they become a part of this family have the choice to simply fall or fall and then rebuild themselves. the problem with the rebuilding part is that there's only a small portion of people who have been able to do it, like big brother and zero, and even then there are drawbacks.
but if you don't take the plunge and let yourself go, you go crazy anyway even if it is slower. it seems like a better option to "stay strong" and not "bend under His will", right? keep fighting until the end so you go out in a blaze of glory and everyone remembers you. but you guys don't seem to realize the other option is the only way for those of us in situations like mine.
in other words, i'm going to have to let myself go crazy in order to regain my sanity. hehehe, i don't think i am going to like this but it's the only way. at this rate i'm going to break and big brother will be able to do whatever he wants. so i am telling you all this because you're going to see me lose control and i might never get it back.
i would say wish me luck but it isn't luck i need.
here we go.