Tuesday, April 26, 2011

i'm okay

they finally untied me and i pulled the feeding tube out. big brother has a lot on his mind, doesn't he?

maybe it's time i stopped playing games, those are for little girls after all, and i've been through too much to be considered a child. i'm not even normal, hehehe.

what was the purpose of this blog? it's not meant to tell you all how i am doing and talk about feelings and life and my family. it was to watch them. those two. none of you actually care about me because only ava, reach, robby and thage have met me. i feel different. i am thinking differently.

my name is cynthia delmont. i am eleven years old, i was born january eleventh 2000. it is the year 2011. my daddy had some changes happen to him when he was eleven, and my Mom lost someone important when she was eleven. eleveneleveneleveneleveneleveneleven

it doesn't mean anything important by the way. numbers? they're just numbers. sometimes you have coincidences like that.

my name is cynthia delmont. i will be twelve next year and my favorite holiday is easter. i hate onions but i love spinach. my favorite color is green and my favorite animals are hippopotamuses. i have a dream that one day i'll be an artist and make my Mom proud. my best friend was rachel and she's dead but i see her sometimes. i think i may be going crazy but that's okay because there's no where left for me to go in normal life. i wouldn't fit in. i sometimes miss my daddy because he was never there for me and i'm scared that he hates me but at the same time i want to kill him for what he's done to Mom and i. i draw all the time and i've been making pictures to show Mom because no one else here cares about what i do or what happens to me. my hair is getting very long and i haven't taken a bath or brushed my teeth in a while so i know i look gross. i don't eat enough or exercise that much and i am very weak. i think i may be slowly breaking but i won't let that happen.

i am cynthia delmont and i can take care of myself. i know the purpose of this blog now and it's to help me stay strong.

there's so much still to come. but at least i can keep one thing that's normal.


  1. Psychological issues like anorexia and bulimia are almost never about weight loss. They're almost always used as outlets by a victim who feels like they have no control, and would like to be able to control SOMETHING. Therefore: they control their weight through starvation.

    I think a blog is a much better thing you can control. Keep it together kiddo. You're stuck in one hell of a Lion's den. Keep your head down, and stay out of trouble. Don't be afraid to delete this entire blog post if you think it'll get you in trouble.

    The greatest victory in the face of the impossible: surviving. Hold it together as best you can. Don't ever give up.

  2. try to eat more, if you can. a lot of people worry about you. =(

  3. Ava and I do care, Cynthia, even if we can't be there for you right now.