I've been trying to make friends at school but it's been really hard. I keep having these flashes of being with Redlight and the others when people come near and try to talk to me. Every time it happens I act strange and usually scare the other students off. All the teachers and the principle know that I went through something because Simon told them, but none of the kids do and it's becoming really hard. They're already avoiding me and only talking to me if they have to.
I wonder if I'll ever make any friends or if I'll have to be alone because of the things I have done and seen.
There is one girl who keeps coming back and trying to make friends and I've been trying to act as normal as I can, but it's hard. She's smart enough to know that something is wrong and that I'm hurting but she's nice enough not to be nosy and ask. Her name is Leah. She's really pretty and funny and has a lot of friends and I wish I could be just like her. She's a lot better than Rachel was to me.
The other day some of the boys made fun of my short hair because I basically got a pixie cut and apparently I look like a boy. It was weird because I didn't want to cry- I've had to take worse insults than that before- but I did want to scream at them and beat them up. I think I got a bad temper and I don't want anything to happen anyone.
Simon says I could always go and see a Therapist but I don't want to. There's no way they could understand what I've gone through and make me feel better. There's just no way at all.
And Kay, if you're reading this, I want to let you know that Mom wouldn't want you acting like this at all. She would want you to be happy and keep living for her...if she really is dead. Dad would probably roll his eyes and tell you to stop being a baby. So please, please, stop and think about what you're doing.
Thanks to everyone who has been giving me nice comments, it really does make me smile that you guys care.