Tuesday, August 23, 2011


I've been trying to make friends at school but it's been really hard. I keep having these flashes of being with Redlight and the others when people come near and try to talk to me. Every time it happens I act strange and usually scare the other students off. All the teachers and the principle know that I went through something because Simon told them, but none of the kids do and it's becoming really hard. They're already avoiding me and only talking to me if they have to.

I wonder if I'll ever make any friends or if I'll have to be alone because of the things I have done and seen.

There is one girl who keeps coming back and trying to make friends and I've been trying to act as normal as I can, but it's hard. She's smart enough to know that something is wrong and that I'm hurting but she's nice enough not to be nosy and ask. Her name is Leah. She's really pretty and funny and has a lot of friends and I wish I could be just like her. She's a lot better than Rachel was to me.

The other day some of the boys made fun of my short hair because I basically got a pixie cut and apparently I look like a boy. It was weird because I didn't want to cry- I've had to take worse insults than that before- but I did want to scream at them and beat them up. I think I got a bad temper and I don't want anything to happen anyone.

Simon says I could always go and see a Therapist but I don't want to. There's no way they could understand what I've gone through and make me feel better. There's just no way at all.

And Kay, if you're reading this, I want to let you know that Mom wouldn't want you acting like this at all. She would want you to be happy and keep living for her...if she really is dead. Dad would probably roll his eyes and tell you to stop being a baby. So please, please, stop and think about what you're doing.

Thanks to everyone who has been giving me nice comments, it really does make me smile that you guys care.


  1. I hope you and Leah become good friends. You really should try the therapy if you want to learn how to control your anger. Good luck, Cynthia.

  2. Cyn, I... You don't know me at all. But I've been... in a pair of shoes very similar to your own. If you want to talk... feel free to drop me a line.
    What no one ever tells you is that rebuilding and becoming a 'normal' person again is just as hard as going though this crap in the first place.

  3. Hey, Cyn. You ever need to vent, or just talk, let me know, okay? Listening to people is one of the few things in this world I'm good at.

  4. Knowing that all of us are your friends isn't quite the same, I know. Still though, I hope it helps, even a little bit.

  5. Dia- Thank you, I hope we can be friends too. I guess I might...Simon does want me to try...

    Elaine- You have? I mean you're right. It's very, very hard and I don't know if I will ever be "better". But thank you, it's nice to know I have someone I can talk to who understands.

    Neo- Thank you.

    Ryuu- I wish that I could have you all with me and Simon because it would make life easier for me. But...thank you for being here on the blog, it does help.

  6. It's always hard to make friends when you're just coming back from some hard shit, Cynthia. I've not been through the same type of thing, but I know how it is. Good luck with making your friends, and don't let bullying get to ya'.

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  8. Cynthia, glad to see you're doin' well, kid. I really am. I always did like you, and takin' down Red... well, what can I say? The guy was a jerk. A weasel. A dillhole, if you will.

    But enough about business. If you need some friends, what say I stop by sometime? I promise I don't bite. Sure, maybe Master is PO'd about you gettin' away like that, but I'm cool with it. I can behave myself. I mean, I don't REALLY hate you guys. Just Konaa.

    Well anyway, you stay frosty hon. Alright?

  9. Fleisch- Thanks, I'll try to get through this.

    Ridley- He was a jerk, but be careful what you say. He had some crazy followers and he was clever enough to get them to love him in their own way. You could but I don't want you near me. I don't want any bad guys near me.

  10. Well. Things seem to be going well. Sort of.

  11. Aw, I'm hurt. I'm very hurt by that. You think Imma bad guy? That's just-- I can't-- I can't believe you'd say something like that. After everything we've been through together. Don't you remember that time at Kralie's party when you got drunk and creepy Journal dude started hitting on you, so I bashed his face in with a baseball bat? Or that other time when I saved you from getting eaten by the Wooden Girl? And you're sayin' I'm a bad guy? That wounds deeply.

    Also, to hell with Red's people. They're all crazy. I am mostly not, but still just enough to have that edge. I walk the line like a master! They'll not have me!

    Stay frosty, girl. I'll keep in touch.

  12. Don't worry about it. Sounds like you've got a good start, so don't sweat it too much.

    Friends are a lot easier to make then most people say. I for one suck at saying the appropriate thing at the appropriate time, and for that matter I just sort of suck at socializing all together. But the best thing to do, is try not to think too much about it. Just focus on others and ask questions.

    People love to talk about themselves. :) Just look at my comment.

  13. Oh, get over yourself, Ridley. I'd bet on Cyn over you in a fight any day.

    You keep strong, little sis.

  14. Ridley- I hope you don't keep talking to me even though I know you like to talk about yourself.

    Jade- Yeah I guess I could try that. I mean the girls in my class are always gossiping and talking about themselves or other people.

    Konaa- Heh, thanks, it's nice to know that people would bet on an eleven year old girl over some mean proxies. I dunno if that means people would put hope in me too, but I'm hoping not.
    Thank you.

  15. Cynthia: There's always hope. No matter how dark it gets, there will be light.

  16. Fine. I see how it is. You're gonna be all like THAT, huh? Little bitch.

    I'm just kiddin'. I ain't goin' anywhere. If we can't be friends then I'll just stick around and be an ass.

    Also, I ain't gonna fight a little girl, geez Konaa, I'm not a monster. Takin' the kids is Master's job.

    I'm told they taste excellent with a little steaksauce.

    Stay frosty, sweetheart.

  17. Neo- I hope you're right.

    Ridley- Could you please stop coming and commenting when everything you write has no point? I don't want you taking up space on my blog. Thanks.