I've been trying really hard to make some friends but so far only Leah will talk to me. But I think the other girls don't want her to because they've been making fun of her hanging with me even though it's usually only for a few minutes. Leah says that it doesn't matter and that she doesn't care what they say, but I hate seeing her get bullied because she's trying to be nice to me. I feel like I'm ruining her life at school.
The girls in my class and some of the older girls too have been calling me a dyke. I don't really know why they are because I looked it up in the dictionary and it said it was a levee or something and even asked Simon but he sort of stammered and said I didn't need to know until I was older. They said I looked like one because of my short hair and baggy clothes, so I'm guessing it's supposed to be bad. Does anyone know what it's supposed to mean?
They've also been making sure I can't sit with them during lunch and if I have to partner up with anyone they usually act like it's the worst thing in the world. It's been hard because it looks like the other kids just don't want me to be there. I think Leah is just nice to me because she feels bad for me. I've been bullied before- back before I met Rachel kids pushed me around because I was really shy and awkward. Now I speak my mind and act a little strange because of everything I went through and this has gotten me bullied even more than when I was quiet. It's weird how it's working out.
Simon still wants me to see a therapist and I still don't want to. He's getting worried because he knows it's been hard for me and he has no idea what to do because he's never had a kid to take care of before. I feel bad for suddenly living with him and making him have to do a lot more work, but I know there's no where else I can go.
I just have been feeling lonely and kind of sad for the past week. I think I'm getting depressed or something but I don't know. I keep having flashes but they aren't as bad as when I first got put into school. I've been going out and hanging around parks and swinging because I finish my homework really fast. I always try looking for him when I'm there or near the woods. I expect to see a tall, faceless man suddenly appear and for the nightmare to start all over again but so far I haven't even felt anything to something being not normal. I guess maybe he really has left me alone.
I just need something to keep me from thinking because then I want to do stupid things that would get me or Simon hurt.